ABUSE

This is my personal, raw, unedited take on abuse and how it has felt over the years to go through it, deal with it, and currently heal from it.

By the Grace of God, I pray this encourages someone, opens someones eyes, and moves someone to pray for those who have been abused.

ABUSE

Is to be taken advantage of

Is to be broken

Is to have your innocence stolen

Is for your growth to be interrupted

Is to be forever tarnished

Is to be violated

Is to hate yourself

Is to be shattered...

but then required to learn how to pick up your own pieces

put yourself back together again

even when you’re not the person who broke you.

It looks like being abused by the people that you love the most

the people that are supposed to protect you...

care for you.

They take that power

use it for their own glory

for their own comfort

maybe even to heal their own wounding.

Abuse feels like fear

Feels like guilt

Feels like weight

Feels like shame

Feels like failure

Feels like defeat

Feels like suicide

Feels like anxiety

Feels like tension

Feels like distrust

Feels like betrayal

Feels like isolation

Feels like rejection

Feels like abandon

Feels like confusion

Feels like migraines

Feels like exhaustion

Feels like depression

Feels like hopelessness

Feels like

...RUN!

......HIDE!

........FIGHT!

.........FREEZE!

Abuse feels like I will be a victim for the rest of my life

Feels like being constantly hyper aware

Feels like you’re always on edge

Feels like wanting to run away

Feels like deafening silence

Feels like I’m just an object

Feels like endless showers

Feels like adrenaline rush

Feels like I’m not human

Feels like I'm being used

Feels like I'm trapped

Feels like I'm unsafe

Feels like being lost

Feels like avoiding certain places

...smells

......songs

..........people

...............so you don’t have to remember.

Feels like I'm sub par to the abuser... not one worthy of respect or dignity.

Feels like being guarded... but at the same time completely EXPOSED and RAW.

Feels like you’re screaming inside... but when you open your mouth to scream, nothing.

Feels like everybody might be trying to abuse you... It changes the way you see people.

Feels like being cut off from other people... even when you desperately want to connect.

Being abused by men makes me see other men as abusers

It feels like I owe them something...

owe them submission...

owe them my body...

owe them my silence.

Feels like I’m just an empty vessel that is meant for someone else's

satisfaction...

pleasure...

praise.

IT FEELS LIKE I HAVE BEEN ROBBED OF THE OPPORTUNITY TO EVEN KNOW MYSELF.